Archive for April, 2009

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little ashes of desire…

4 April 2009

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Never let me lose the marvel
of your statue-like eyes, or the accent
the solitary rose of your breath
places on my cheek at night.

I am afraid of being, on this shore,
a branchless trunk, and what I most regret
is having no flower, pulp, or clay
for the worm of my despair.

If you are my hidden treasure,
if you are my cross, my dampened pain,
if I am a dog, and you alone my master,

never let me lose what I have gained,
and adorn the branches of your river
with leaves of my estranged Autumn. ~
Sonnet of the Sweet Complaint by Frederico Garcia Lorca

Historical theatre has always been my utmost favourite. Especially historical cinema with an “artistic” artistic point of view. Who could deny Frida’s excellence? I loved that movie. However, you always miss things, bits of lacking information. Assumptions, presumptions, and director’s and not to mention the film board committee which has the ultimate say. So homoerotism is usually used as a foreshadow. So, when historical cinema does go the whole way and shows the raw truth, with just the homo and not just an overcast glimmer of what really was, it becomes something more, something to really cherish and relish in. That is why when Little Ashes opens in theatres May 8th, I’ll be one of the many in line first. Not to mention Robert Pattinson’s yumminess. Ha!

At first I thought that Pattinson took upon this role to stick-it to Stephany Meyers for her anti-gay actions of supporting the Mormon Church’s position on banning gay marriage by donating a large percentage of her proceeds from the books and movie( not to mention the movies to come). I had a sense of wow and respect for Pattinson for helping out the community, but ti seems that this thinking was just an impression, not fact. Pattinson starred in Ashes before Twilight was in production and thus he had no intent on sticking-it to Meyers, much to my dismay. Now, do not get me wrong I loved the Twilight series. Although the last and final ending was a bit of a buzz kill. And even though I did know, after reading the first book, that a portion of the proceeds were going to support Prop8, I bought them anyway. That is how deep the seed of curiosity can be sometimes. But whatever, Im an HRC activist, I’ll do extra community service to make up for it.

Not to forget Javier Beltran. Beltran Beltran. This movie is full of examples of gay-forwardness. Beltran is a sexy, openly gay actor with a lot of desire both on and off set. Any eyes that look on him, much like Pattinson, are instantly drawn in. With those luscious lips, every word is followed. And with that physique, well lets save that for a different blog. Haha. Beltran and Pattinson obviously would make the perfect couple. Their innate ability to work so close together just adds that extra Dali-Lorca spark to the set.

Little Ashes, little ashes. The love affair of Salvador Dali and Frederico Lorca is any LGBTQ’s wettest dream, or anyway any gay artist’s fantasy come true. So this will be quite a splendid picture. Above, I chose the Sonnet to show a bit of Lorca’s love for Dali. His “hidden treasure.” Also, in “The Faithless Wife” you can also see both the desire and the pain that Dali put him through, by merely substituting all the “woman” words to male ones. It is painful even for me, to know of their  love, yet Dali’s hesitance to accept it fully. In any true romance, such like Romeo and Juliet, it ends in a tragedy. With death. Little Ashes will bring both smiles, and tears to the watchers in those large dusty rooms. With their popcorn, or should I say with MY popcorn. Large soda and various other snuck in goodies. I will smile. I will laugh. I will blush. And I will cry.

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ten of air…

3 April 2009
from the Gaian Tarot Deck

from the Gaian Tarot Deck

According to Joanna, my dearest Joanna whose blog is something that perfectly compliments any morning tea and biscuit,

“In the Gaian Tarot, the 10’s represent the transition to the next cycle, following the peak experience of the 9’s.  In the 10 of Air, we see the familiar sight of Canada geese flying in V-formation during the fall migration.  We can almost hear the chorus of honking.   In European tales of the Wild Hunt, it was said that flocks of wild geese or swans embodied the souls of the dead who flew through the winter night sky.

Divinatory meaning: It’s a bittersweet time of letting go.  You may not want to face the winter to come, yet it is inevitable.  What plans, ideas or strategies do you need to release as the old year wanes?  Who are the ancestors that whisper to you as the geese fly overhead?  What wisdom do they have for you?”

As of March 26th, and even, to an extent before and a month and a half, my life has progressively declined. Spiritually, emotionally, and to another extent visually. It has been nothing BUT transition. And now while I am beginning the next cycle, it is not completely a happy one. “Echos” of that ungainly time continue to threaten my “new” life, even my sanity. I AM SO ENTIRELY ready for a new cycle…

Bittersweet is EXACTLY how I would describe my life for the past week especially. So much so that the Verve’s song has become my own personal theme song. There has been a death and on that fatal day, o be transferred?! Insane. Insanely bittersweet. Transferring has been a very god thing for me, emotionally- to an extent. I still feel out of place. Uprooted as I was. However, as what comes with uprooting so does new flowering! Away from the drama that was, I am able to reclaim my title and position. However, it has not stopped me from thinking about greener pastures. On this very cold day, I sip hot chocolate from a massive cafe cup and wonder where I shall be led. College seems eminent. Finally! I have only to transfer my credits and fax my transcripts and ah yes! There still seems to be something about an essay of sorts that I must write, but it will INDEED get me where I want, hope, PRAY, and yearn for!

Much has happened. I am sad to say, I am still without a constant internet access, so as I have not posted, my subsequent ratings have declined marginally (which is obvious from an outside perspective I am sure.)

I have upgraded my resume.

Whats more, I believe I need a CAREER change. Who will know but the fates what will happen in the end. But I remain to be discouraged, even though depression seems for of an aftertaste with each day more and more frequently, there is after all a store of wines within my reach- let’s just say the depression is ALWAYS short lived! ha!

It is spring! Ostara came and is showing it’s beautiful face, which I need to remind myself of even though ugliness can be seen around every corner.

ENOUGH! I shant allow ONE aspect of my life, ergo CAREER, get in the way of my FREE AND HAPPY spirit! Gentiles. All of them! To all of them that are deceitful and ugly, and vicious, and vicariously parasitic! Humans are idiots!! (Only the mean ones). Philosophy is my one care still, and as my spirit is reshaped into this new season I KNOW, nay I INVISION CHANGE. They will not thwart my self-image. Or my values. Or my soul. IT IS MINE TO HAVE you blood thirsty imbeciles.

So, I shall remain ME. Creative, beautiful, happy, warm, kind, tolerant, optimistic, and PEACEFUL. No more sadness!

It’s soo passe.