Happy September New Beginnings

“Like walking into an inn and finding that the innkeeper has already filled his chalices with the best wine for you and your friends, the joy and camaraderie the Querent seeks will surely be found.” ~Aeclectic tarot

Last night marked the New Moon, a new moon in Virgo to be exact. This is a wonderful time to do new things: new beginnings, new projects, possibly even reinventing YOURSELF. At any rate, the point is to do something NEW. I plan on painting! We have chosen an avocado green and a cafe bean brown for our living room walls! So earthy and vibrant! I can hardly wait to roll the pigments on the asylum white-washed walls!

As my new moon card for this next cycle is the NINE OF HEARTS(cups)(water) I am definately in a good mood. It is the WISH card, and also one of taking chances and being rewarded in a positive way, hopefully, also it is a card to also take well thought-out steps for the old phrase goes, be careful what you wish for. However, I deserve this new beginning and to take all these powers and energies are working in such a way, why not take some advantage? Tomorrow I am applying for a new position, a better position and hopefully I get it. The position is an assistant manager’s position/ ahift coordinator’s position. I wonder if I have what it takes? But gods know, I NEED this change.

This card symbolizes, as a nine, mastery & a sort of understanding of finally what one has been seeking. As this is a water card, it symbolizes creativity, emotions, & relationships both romantical and those of amity. This card is one that is seen to be thee best in all of the minours& majours both.

Spirits of the Earth

Photograph by Linda McIntyre

“Look and you shall see. See and you shall learn. Learn and you shall then LIVE.”

Looking back on yesterday, I can hardly believe I was so upset and selfish. However, my wishes were granted after letting go of my selfishness and allowing my inner compassion to pool to my surface. I went to lunch with my penguin love feasting on the best left-overs of all time at the hospital “secret garden.” By then, the rain had stopped and the sun was shining, putting the summer season at its peak. So, as I sit here drinking some orange juice, and about to think of the long day at work (in the real world), ugh 10.5 hours, I miss yesterday given all of its running around and complexity. I was able to hike after all at the Pine Bush Preserve in the heart of Albany, which is larger than what I previously thought with all of its shrub oak thickets and all of the wildlife therein. I was able to slightly hint at next Tuesday’s secret special day, he truly has no clue what I’m up to, and got some much needed nature-me-time.

Within the confines of the preserve, I called to the Earth spirits to help give me a sign, to guide me in my present state. To be honest, I was a bit frightened walking through the thicket where anything could jump out at any second, or a snake may lurch. However, I talked myself out of it, saying how I’ve lived amongst nature my entire life, there was no need to be on edge, but my senses were more alert no matter what level of consolation I was giving myself. It was as if I could sense the snakes there, and low and behold there one was, I could hear it, beneath the shrubbery thick, more afraid of me I am sure than I was of it.  Afterwards, the hike started to feel empty, and my mind drifted away to the capitalistic world, until I asked for another guide and feather, anything, to guide me. And then there came the most metaphorical and spiritual choices presented itself. There ahead of me the path split in two separate directions. One which looked a bit less overgrown and a bit unimpressive. The second, however, had something sticking out of the ground in the form of a rabbit, a hare. As I stepped closer the something MOVED. It was a baby rabbit waiting there for me in the middle of the path, saying to me “come this way you dolt. Here is your bloody sign, now are you going to learn from it?” I got about 3 yards away from it and it hopped back into the forest, but the feeling it gave me was one of childish enthusiasm and joviality. How could a baby bunny NOT put a smile on anyone’s face?

This animal totem medicine was an instant hit. I have always seen rabbits, and my birth year in the asian calendar is of the year of hte  rabbit, so they have always been bouncing about my lawn at home or around me in nature. After moving to “the city” being welcomed by this of all animals (and come to think of it, did I not see one the other day at work also?) really makes me feel I made the proper choice. Rabbits to me symbolize compassion, creativity, spontaneity, wisdom, and alertness. Also, according to the Manataka Spirit Guide book and online site:

“Little Sister Rabbit has excellent observation skills and sensitive reflexes to help it survive in a world surrounded by danger.  They are fast, agile and instinctive.  They disappear in an instant.  These traits of rabbit will help us to learn skills related to natural and unprompted movement so can always know which direction to go in an instant.  As humans we too are in constant danger and need to be alert and ready to move quickly.  Or conversely, we may need to take advantage of some passing opportunity before it is gone. Fear is a dominant feature of the rabbit and this reminds us to examine our own fears to determine if they are hindering our progress, either spiritually or physically.  Are your fears preventing you from accepting a new challenge?  If so, Little Sister Rabbit may make herself known to you. Rabbits lives are short and they take advantage of every waking moment to fulfill their destiny.”

So, this offering of the earth spirits has given me what I needed most. To know that I made the right choice, to pursue what I want and need, and also to embrace this fear to move onward and possibly upward. By using the power of the rabbit, and taking and learning from their deep wisdom, I too will fulfill my destiny.

And as I was about to walk back into the real world there before was a magickal line drawn. Physically in the ground of ants. Saying “hault! Watch, learn.” To me ants symbolize strength, determination, willpower, and synchronicity. Ants do wonders in teams and communicate as if by their minds. Some walk with the tribe others go off on their own, but always go back to the main force when help is needed. Takatoka goes further in saying:

“The ant people are wonderful builders and architects.  They can show us ways to build a reality based on our dreams.   Ants are determined and relentless in pursuit of their mission.  If the ant people come to visit you, it may be this quality they will teach. Solidarity and collaboration are keys to the success of the ant.  Every individual in the community does its duty to ensure the welfare of the whole colony, regardless of its personal safety or how long it must labor.  The ant spirit teaches us teamwork and loyalty. Ants are unselfish and sacrifice themselves to benefit the community.  Learning this valuable lesson of the ant can be the greatest of all gifts. Honor and respect are the hallmarks of the ant people. Ants are tireless workers and hunters and teach the art of perseverance and patience in all that they do. Those with this spirit will find that many of their life lessons will involve the mastery of patience in some way. Ant medicine is subtle yet powerful. It teaches us how to release our egos and aligns us with the virtue of equality. Imagine what the world would be like if humanity held and applied the values that the ant expresses. The next time you step on, squash, injure or kill an ant intentionally, ask yourself why you are choosing to destroy the unconditional love that the ant shares so freely. Valuable insights about yourself and your history can be learned from this tiny little totem.”

So to me this tells me in order to move out of this troubling state, I must be unselfish, and work to forge bridges where I can. Life is a journey, it wouldn’t seem logical to burn the very boat I’m traveling in, now would it? However, I do need to go out and see what I could find. Perhaps I cold find a better paying job and still work for overtime. There are more than just a single alternative to choose from. But I have to not only think of myself, but of my penguin love as well. I wouldn’t want, above all other things, for my job to come between us.

Once I got back to the van, and drove out of the preserve getting onto the highway, a hawk swooped down as if saying “Good-bye. Leanr from these things. And come back soon.” I have always imagined my ideal spirit totem to be the hawk. Their eyes pierce and see the truth. They are beautiful, wise, and strong. All in all, yesterday was a day of insight, and gave me the gifts I truly needed and wanted.

“Native Americans believe that the Hawk is the messenger of the gods or the Great Spirit. The teachings of the Hawk guide us to be observant, to be aware of our surroundings and recognize the obvious in everything because life is sending us signals. The Hawk’s call breaks through the state of unawareness and asks us to seek the truth. The Hawk sees the overall picture and views life from a higher perspective with a keen eye and a bold heart.” (From animal medicine cards.)

After all of this, I went home and slept alongside my penguin love deep into the night, until our stomachs ached for food and we went out for takeout. Ahh, the wonders of living between the spirit and the city world! 

Bettering the Mind(s)

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall by Hana Mohalo

 

Well having since posted my weekend’s adventures I feel slightly better about the whole situation. Sometimes I just need to stop and think and then write how I am feeling and I am instantly better. It’s true the day isn’t the greatest, but I shouldn’t let something as little as the weather get in the way of my day’s off of fun! I can still enjoy myself going to get the oil changed in the van and waiting for the repair person to arrive and fix the bloody A.C. So, I’m going to go get ready, put some of my new clothes on (clothes that don’t smell of air conditioning coolant) and have a grand day. Perhaps I will scout for things to get for the special day next week. Perhaps, I can find some interesting recipes on the book store down the street and then enjoy myself at borders and read for a while. Furthermore, to calm my spirits down a bit I blogged for a wee bit and stumbled upon two cute and fun things.

 

 

wordle.com

The first is Wordle. I decided to create a favourite words Wordle and then post it. Sadly, I cannot save the image as I would like it, so I post a mini version and then I shall link it so you may see. A few of my favourites and also words that represent me are “chimychanga” and “politizia.” I love saying ‘politizia’ whenever we drive by a police off icier, it’s just one of my things. Haha. See, I’m in a better mood already. The second is a meme.

Having just recently become an avid reader of the Gaian Tarot Journal, I happened upon this cute and fun little meme.

Here’s the rules of the meme . . .

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

I looked around the crazy apartment from where I sat, and all I could see was my easel on the table, some old mail, blankets and pillows stroon about from our house guests on Thursday night. So, I got up and grabbed one from the stack on our guitar-pick shaped cafe table in the living room behind me. It was Gregory Maguire’s Mirror, Mirror.Ironic! I know from the previous post of the movie at the cinema. It’s funny how somethings just coincide with each other, connected as they are in the large scheme of things.

“Take the child from the house, deep into the woods, far beyond where anyone might find her. There are woods enough to lose a child in. I want her more than lost. I want her life…”

Hmm…who would I tag? Having little time to sort out them. I tag who ever views this next. Comment as a response and continue onward. I would like to see how far this goes.

Revived, recharged?

I went home this past Saturday morning, and it was a struggle getting out of the house. I woke up at six to shower and pack, but lethargy kicked in and I stayed in bed for an extra 45 minutes. I poked and prodded my companion in sleep crime to wake him up with words of love…and bossyness. Haha. We were definitely going to be late and by my calculations, we should have left at 8am, or eight-thirty at the latest. We left at 9 o’clock!

It’s just like us, well sometimes more him than I, but we share the burden together, to drag our feet when we have to be somewhere. Sometimes people just don’t understand, we have jobs, we have duties, we require SLEEP. We are human after all. Ha! So, we arrived for the wedding just in time as people stood and snuck our way in the back. Overall, the entire thing was a bit short and predictable( but what else of a Roman Catholic wedding?) However there were a few moments of laughter and chuckling, so it was not a complete shot to the head. In an odd way it felt good to be in my old church of my childhood and look up at all the stained glass. Although, looking up at the ceiling (the bland and blank white ceiling) I couldn’t help feeling sad for the people who would have to look up and not see what you would normally find in a cathedral: paintings! So, as the priest prattled on and on, I imagined colours being washed and stroked above our heads and forms taking shape, as if I were reconstructing a Michaelangelo flat on my back spread out on scaffolding, but only with my mind’s eyes. This lasted for thirty minutes.

After the charade was through, we drove to my parents for an hour, and then proceeded to the reception to only get lost and go to a friends home instead where she had to give us directions and actually became my chauffeur for the evening/night. My beautiful roomie had to leave right when we pulled in the reception drive-way, stranding me for five hours with very little to do, much less to socialize. (My best friend was maid of honour so she had elsewhere duties so I had to mingle for the entire day, making pointless conversation. But at least there was punch & FRUIT!) He had a run for cancer that he does every year, but it was last minute (as all things are with him, hehe) and I instead left the reception with my friend Heather the chauffeur previously mentioned and enjoyed ourselves at her humble abode feasting on margaritas, shrimp (stolen from the reception, of course) and butter squash soup fifty miles away while he partied and went to a bar, ha! I cant wait until I’m 21 and can legally enter the pubs. (However, in up-up state New York it isn’t hard getting in underage at all Ive been served countless times. Shh… hehe)

So, as I was tired having worked all week, she & I went to bed at a decent hour, after getting ourselves rather smashed as it was, and I fell soundly asleep to the soundscapes channel (what a marvelous thing that is!). Soundly, that is until 3am when he calls waking us up, with a stupored lip. This irritated me, yes, but I was glad to hear his voice before going to bed & slept more soundly for it. Weird I know.

Sunday, what can I say about Sunday. I was ready to go home. Having recharged with my friend Heather, seeing true nature, breathing fresher air and seeing my family, disfunctional as it is, was what I needed. So, Heather and I went out for a true country breakfast, brunch we call it, and got to see a few others I had left behind. (In a small town, everyone knows everyone!) Since she is a kind and compassionate friend, not to mention being able to spot a good opportunity to go shopping when she sees one, hehe, Heather drove me out to Plattsburgh to meet up with my lover penguin only to discover when we arrived there, he had arrived where I had stayed the night previous! So, after some confused chuckles, and a slight bit of irritation, we planned on going to dinner as he wanted to meet up with other peoples, and I not wanting to piggy-back decided to go to the cinema while he frolicked the streets of Plattsburgh further. We chose “Mirrors” after grabbing some good conversion and coconut coffees at Borders, sitting in the green house lounge basking in the sun. Mmm, how good the cafe tasted as the sun hit my face!

The movie jarred my core, which tells me and also allows me to tell you that it was a sensational movie. There was one part where I was jumping in my seat, which does never happen! Needless to say, the next bathe I take will be done with the mirrors covered! Ha! Towards the end I had to leave the theatre for a tick in order to discuss dinner, if we were or not, and then brisked back in for a very troubling ending. But good I say, good! Overall, we Heather and I gave it 4 stars! Haha. So after some good eating and finally meeting up with my penguin for the first time all weekend, I said my farewells and hugged my hugs. Looking u into the sky I knew I needed to come back home and continue to maintain the bridges I had worked so hard for. That safety net is never forgotten and I will never forget where I have come from! 

So, having finished dinner at around seven-thirty, I was ready to leave, but much to my disappointment it wasn’t until after ten and then not until 1am did I go to sweet dreamy land! That is one thing about carpooling with someone who you love yes, but hate to ride and tag along with because its always hours after you expect to do anything. Very quite comical sometimes, but irritating on others. Now, having awoken at 6:30am this morning, I am not in best of moods. Having my hopes of hiking on my day off crushed by not only the rain but having to arrange an oil change for someone else and potentially moving someone into a new apartment. I love how others think it so within their power to dictate my days off. They may not do it consciously, but I like my days off, and planned on retreating into nature and just getting some “Me time.” So, after doing some dishes, hoping that the air-conditioner gets fixed today as well with the list of things to do, am I recharged? Or was this two day vacation roller-coaster the size of it? Being back now, only feels like a chore, and I should feel revved and ready to go, only I don’t. It’s funny how life throws you, traveling here there, having to keep up with other people’s agendas, not in any way wanting to help with yours. Perhaps this is just a bit of selfishness, and I just need to suck it up. But it’s my day off and other people can just piss off! I’m going for a walk in the sprinkle-ness outside and I’m going to LOVE it!

Namaste.

i need to recharge. simple, right?

One of my favourite Tarot decks is the new and in progress Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powel Colbert. The imagery is phenominal and is very inspirational & I have also added her online journal to my Blog-List. I cannot wait until she completes this work so I may purchase both the Minour& Majour Arcana (as of now only the Majour is available). I signed up for the mail list and also decided to do the three card tarot reading for free. And it answered something that has been bothering me for awhile.

I NEED TO RECHARGE. 

If you have been keeping up with the words past posted, you should know. So here is some helpful advice for getting me back into the grand web design from Joanna’s fabulous work!

Oracle: Your Gaian Tarot Reading

 The Opportunity

Sacred solitude

You have the opportunity to spend time in sacred solitude. You need to withdraw from the world to focus on your inner life and spirituality. Perhaps you have been wounded in the “wars of the world,” or perhaps you are fatigued and empty from putting out so much energy, especially if you are a caregiver. Your well is empty and it needs to be filled. Take some time out for a retreat. Go away to the mountains or the sea, by yourself, without partner or friends. Spend time outside in nature, observing the changes in your environment day by day. Your inner wisdom and sense of well-being will grow effortlessly the more time you spend outside. When you once again enter community life, others will be drawn to the light they see inside you and may come to you for guidance. For part of your purpose is to share what you’ve learned with others.

The Challenge

Spirit made manifest

You are being challenged to access your personal power and use it to manifest your desires in a responsible way. You have learned how to focus your will and your passion towards a goal. You may be uncertain about using that power, or you may be tempted to use it unethically. Remember that when you align yourself with the heartbeat of the earth, you have the power to bring forth healing for the planet and all her creatures.

The Resolution

Connection to Spirit

Resolution comes with a time of calm, healing and grace. Your heart is wide open and you deeply feel your connection to Source, to God/dess, the Great Mystery. It is a most blessed time of hope and peace. Now is a good time to begin the practice of gratitude, of giving thanks. When our hearts are full, it’s easy to be thankful. If we begin the practice now, it will be easier to sustain when times are rough. Follow your star, for it will guide you home.

So it seems that all I need to do is what I have been craving: NATURE. I need to RECHARGE! haha. In the end that is all we all must do. We cannot just keep going on and on in life like an energizer bunny, we need time to reflect, recharge and regain the energy that we have given out. Taking thi sadvice I am going on a picnic, by myself, and getting some much needed sunshine!

NAMASTE.

Fleating dreams.

A baku by Katsushika Hokusai.

“You cannot allow your subconcious to frighten you when you are concious. Dreams teach, so NEVER ever fear learning something that did you did not know about yoruself. There is a meaning behind it. I sware!”  

Last night was troubling. I awoke with tears in my eyes. I had two separate dreams, however both were dispiriting. The first:

Travel. Trains. A foreign city. A crumbling cliff looking over the valley. The house on top of the cliff, tipped as if the valley were about to swallow it. The house in the dream was disheveled, moldy. In one word, ancient. The floor carpet was filled with mildew, the wallpapers were pealing away. The front porch was at a steep incline and I felt like I was going to fall off and into the cliff-rock below. Inside, there were two fireplaces. One that still looked usable and was semi-clean, and the other was inched with dust. It was dark, gothic, and large enough for a small adolescent to fit inside. Across this shivering hearth was an alcove of very old books. One book was on a pedestal, and its title was the Book of Stone. This book seemed also dark much like the house, and my ’special friend’ as I’ve come to call him to others was also there along side me. I felt being watched by an omniscient presence and was felt as if I were in a state of eerie filth. Then the alarm hit. 

When I woke up, I was curious as to what this so called “Book of Stone” was exactly. I’ve googled it and can only come up with the Stone Book by Alan Garner. Also, this allowed me further to stumble upon a rather interesting WordPress: The october 2007 UoN Cultural Collections. I wonder what else will come of this?

The second dream was the hitter. This one was which resulted in tears. And even though I know dreams are dreams, and don’t always happen. This has given me insight into other people and how they feel about this issue. Here is what happened:

There were people. Friends from the past. Friends from the present. It seems like there was a sorted party of sorts and my boyfriend and I were invited, or we went rather. In the end of all this partying there was a camp which trans morphed into a huge stone columned building, a mall of sorts. I was running and my heart was racing. It was in great pain and I felt heart broken. But why? I was trying to find someone, something. But what? Finally, I came to two large and tall doors lit from within by candlelight and Victorian chandeliers. There was a circle roofed stage with a railing going around it. There were people sitting down, with smiles on their faces waiting with appears in their hands. My parents were among them, but I kept on walking. All I could think was “Dont let him sign it yet. Dont let him sign it. Has he signed it?”  And there in front was a long rectangular table with officials dressed in Victorian garments, but properly as officials should. Almost like tuxedos and top hats. At the end my boyfriend was about to sign something and it felt nuptial. And that’s when the me in the dream and the me watching everything came into focus with each other and I KNEW. These people were waiting to re-do their vows and update their marriage licenses. And he, S. was among them? That’s why I was heartbroken he was to be married. What a sham! I went to grab him and then we were back at the camp in a dark room with all of our friends and a girl of unknown identity. I pulled him into a room, which was only lit by moonlight. And proceeded to question. “how could you do this? Does she know? How could she not? We ARE together. What is this all about? So this is to just make your family happy? Society happy? Are you going to get a divorce? What is this all about? Why is this happening?” But he only stood there, silent. And that is when I woke up for a second time.

Now, I understand how people in these situations feel. Lovers forced to hide while their so called partner is about to get married to the opposite sex. You feel like everything is crumbling. And you don’t know what to do. Should you go and tell the bride to be? Should you speak out when is there anyone who objects? You feel so incredibly unimportant, that you can barely feel your own heart beat. It’s a sad world, where this does happen. People marry to appease society. People should feel free and proud to BE who they ARE. Regardless of societal mores and values. Love has no boundaries, and how could you put not only you and your partner through this, but the unsuspecting bride/groom and their family? It’s unethical in the highest sense. Not unethical for the person doing it, but for the reason behind it. You can’t please everyone, so you might as well please yourself by whatever means. NO matter if it means having another penis, or vagina, in your life. Enough is enough. Love whom you LOVE.

Namaste.

am i a blue jean buddha?

Voices of Young Buddhists

“Once you lose yourself you are faced with a dark path to walk. But ultimately you come to a point int he road where it splits and you have two choices: continue walking down the path of personal numbness, or choose the path that has a speck of light at the end. I would pick the speck over depression any day.”

Over the past few days I have been reading a very interesting short story book that reminds me of where I have come from. In my younger adolescent years I was always back and forth between wiccan type practises, by for which I have never really been ritualistic in any sort of sense, and buddhist philosophy. It was the concept of Buddhism in eight grade that drasticaly changed my thinking processes, and my mind opeened up like an old dusty book. Now, was I a horrible student before this somewhat of an “ah ha!” moment? No. However I started to look around and view the world with different eyes, and that spark has been with me ever since. Until now.

It was but three months ago when I was reading another novel, that struck me at my core, and devistated all of my foundations spiritually. Christopher Hitchen’s god is not Great was a novel that I found very intersting. And helped to reaffirm some of my previous assumptions of how religion has played a negative role on the human race. However, Hitchens was not in any way leiniant on any one religion. He down played them all. Even Buddhism and WIcca. Ever since, and I am not down playing Hitchen’s; he is a terrific writer and even more grand debater, I finished that book I have been left with a troubling thought: some of my heros in life: Mahatma Ghandhi and even the Dalai Lama were shown to not be as perfect representations of true enlightened beings. This led me to believe that we are all human and thus all prone to biases. It is natural however for our species to be this way, but leanring of these things I became saddened and unsure of where I stood in the great deisgn of things.

Now, while reading Blue Jean Buddha ‘Voices of Young BUddhists” I am hoping to regain what I can of what I have lost. I yearn for that spark that has been with me and guided me since i was a juvenile. I miss the feeling of being connected to everything, and being able to see with the eyes of someone who KNOWS. Now, it feels like I am on the outside looking in, and am unsure how to break this box I am in and fly away so I can move from box to box, taking in all opinions and make a truly enlightened descision.

Now, have I lost all that I was? No. People still tell me that I am a wonderful communicator, and terrific listener and a wonderful and moral human being. But I do not feel like one. I feel tarnished, and I cant find the luminous oil to shine myself up again. I feel almost empty, spiritually. In other ways, I feel more happy than I have ever been. But now that I have love, I’m seeking something more. Something above me. Something within me.

I think I need to focus on going back to college more than anything else now. I think I also need to find a different job. Something that fulfills me. Like working with animals, or the library, or one of the many book stores around here. Albany is filled with places to work, I am sure I will be able to find SOMETHING. Something other than a place that has strange hours, that could potentially hurt my relationship. Besides I am tired of sitting around all day, doing laundry and giving medications. I feel that I could be doing something else with myself. Something more. All I know is that I feel in a rut, and it is my love that pulls me out of this quick-sand everyday. And I LOVE even more for it!

Here is a quote from the book which is in fact an introduction to His Holiness’s book Essential Teachings.

None of the major terrible problems that threaten survival of the earth can be solved by merely institutional or political methods. Humankind to survive has to undergo a massive and unprecedented change of heart, an ordered and passionate spiritual revolution that changes forever our relation to each other and to nature. It is only from such a revolution that the new vision the planet so desperately needs can arise- a vision that sees the connections between the obsession with the individual self and its hunger for false securities and every kind of exploitation that is ruining the world.

To further this humankind reunion and connection for a better world, I just want to point out the Olympics starting today. I hope the world can come together and see that we are each human, no matter what political party, no matter what religion, no matter what creed, no matter what. Just people for people. People completing to show their level of achievement and pride. Brightest blessings and luck to all involved! Go 8.8.08!!

hope for the best, make a wish…BLOW!

The Canoe or "Chariot"

“I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen.” Frank Lloyd Wright

As of the first of this month, my tarot card of the New moon was the Chariot. Many of you would raise more than one eye-brow if you knew what my life is going through- change, movement, and more of a balancing act. I have moved to a new city, a new area, and a new life. So, I feel that the universe and I are progressing to become more like minded. This move has become a challenge. A challenge to remain patient, compassionate, respectful of others AND myself, and to also not give in or to give up.

It is always a challenge when you live with someone else, more so if that other person is someone of a higher relationship status, something other than just a roommate. My ‘roommate’ happens to be my boyfriend. Moving in together was the best decision I ever made moving to the Albany area has been the best, if not the most radical yet fulfilling act I have accomplished. So, what could be the problem with all of this good new change? Personalities. One word.

Everyone has their own unique quirks and has their own way about doing things. So this is an excellent time to figure each other out and learn more about each other. We love each other no questions asked however we do get on each others nerves and we DO drive each other crazy sometimes. But we still figure things out and we still have not had a giant fight in all of our five months together. So this proverbial canoe I am paddling is exactly were I am at this moment. I have moved on to a new and distant place. It is a struggle. It is hard, however the end result, the thing that which I yearn for most of all, the destination of this long chariot ride, is still in my sights and I am not giving in.

In its basic form the Chariot symbolizes a war, a struggle. Above all else it is a card that recreates in your mind the obstacles no matter what they are, in your life. Whether these obstacles are internal or outwardly in origin. As of now, my obstacles are in both places. I am in a position where I am struggling spiritually and outwardly with my lover and friend. It is not a real struggle with him because he is simply the greatest so all of his little quirks in the end of all the dust ruffled and disturbed is even more adorable and I fall in love with him a little bit more. All of his differences, no matter how crazy or bad some people may perceive them make him all the more to me to be attractive& adorable. Now do I approve of all of his negative qualities? No. But this definitely is a way for me to mold and develop my soul & spirit as this whole change is a complete one. This is definitely a life change, a complete change. A change for good.

I will continue this path, paddling all along. I am strong. I am courageous. I have the power within me to complete this travel. This is not only a physical move, but also a spiritual one. I believe there is much more to be discussed and I hope of course that I will not be met with too much of a tide and forceful current. To close, I believe a lot more issues will be faced than those that are affecting my internals. The forces around me as of this moment are much more important to deal with than any I create for myself. All I can hope for is some sort of balance in the end, in the destination of this canoe I paddle in every single day of every moment of my life for every hour, every minute and every second of my being. I can only look forward to the next new moon where the Nine of Hearts/Cups presents its good fortune, but at what cost?

"Magick-lamp" by Natalie Dee