Gennaio, Good-bye…

 

“Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day.” ~Thornton Wilder
{Marie Spartali Stillman’s Replica of “Beata Beatrix,” c. 1900-10 }

Today is the last day of the first month of a new year, and a leap year at that! I have managed to knock-off a few of my 101 Things. Here is a list of a few I have checked off the list, for now. 

I’ve started running 1x/week.

I’ve bought and read a few Ellen Dugan novels.

I’ve begun incorporating vegetarian meals once per week.

I’ve continued to do daily devotions to self and inner-self reflection.

I continue to delve into the realm of animal totems. I have done everything I can think of, wishing for a non-cliche animal. However, with all of my wishes the raven seems to still send me messages throughout the day. Which is a good thing considering my name is “d’ Corbeau.” From what I have gathered, as of now, the ladybug, rabbit, snake, cat, and birds of all sorts seem to come to me when ever I am out and about. There is a strange connection I am with felines, that is just uncanny. Perhaps I should embraise the cliche, and empower it.

Today is also a perfect day to prepare for St. Brigid’s Day, Candlemas, or Imbolg (whichever you call it). Remember to add a touch of whimsy to spark creative magick in your life. Use this time to gather candles, annointed or charging them with various purposes for the coming festival. Making out a schedule of things to get, foods to prepare and crafty things to do, including wise words to write.Everything else aside, I have to read a Shakespeare work and cook/eat an exotic food for the month. Procrastination pays off in some ways as it makes way for a very interesting evening, wherever I may be. 

The Lost Gardens of Heligan

“In my garden there is a large place for sentiment.  My garden of flowers is also my garden of thoughts and dreams.  The thoughts grow as freely as the flowers, and the dreams are as beautiful.”  ~Abram L. Urban

On our quests of curiosity we arte often met with fantastical and beautiful experiences. Today was such a day. I am reminded of my desire to travel the world, but most passionately Europe and even more specific England. To me, the UK is the home of my ancestors, Native North Americans and the French aside. To me, my ancestry is very important to me. My UK roots bring me closer to the age of fantastical creatures, the fey, and a connection to the magickal. My French roots give me a sense of elegance and beauty, going back to my more noble roots. Lastly, my Native North American ancestry connects me to the more spiritual sense of nature that surrounds me.  Going back to the subject of quests, near Mevagissey in Cornwall, there is a place not like any other. It is a site of the most beautiful botanical gardens in the UK. The gardens there have quite a history, a history that is coupled in tragedy along with glamour. However, now the gardens are restored, and the Lost Gardens of Heligan have aroused my passion for fauna and flora.  

“The gardens now boast a fabulous collection of aged and colossal rhododendrons and camellias, a series of lakes fed by a ram pump over a century in age, highly productive flower and vegetable gardens, an Italian garden, and a stunning wild area filled with primaeval-looking sub-tropical tree ferns called “The Jungle”. The gardens also have Europe’s only remaining Pineapple Pit, warmed by rotting manure, and two figures made from rocks and plants known as the Mud Maid and the Giant’s Head.”

Hopeful Wishes For The Future

Some days, there is just too much to do, and so much on the mind. I’ve finally decided to go back to school, actually college, and get some sort of degree in Gender Studies as well as get my teacher’s degree in high school English/history. (most likely English) I want to bring culture and acceptance back to this town, and I think the only way to do that, is to do it myself. I have been planning, daydreaming rather, about the future. And possibly having some sort of community center for LGBT Youth/Adolescents, but in order for it to flourish and stay together, I would have to incorporate several pre-existing social programs, such as Citizen’s Advocate’s Northstar Program and the Mentor Program through the Court House. I already have connections there in both, and my best friend will ultimately get her degree in Social Work next year.

I should also look into getting a degree in counseling, so that I could be more hands on. Either way, I have majour dreams and hopes for the future of this town. Perhaps I could turn the Youth Center into a Youth Outreach Center. By the time that comes along I should have enough connections in the arts department by then. We could use the center as a studio to show students’ art, allow student bands a place to practice, perhaps even set up a sort of Teen Adolescent Cyber Cafe even where they could find  a job. And I could even stack the sehlves with Banned Books!  We could integrate existing school clubs such as environmental society, book club, and other activist sort of things. We could do a sort of Outreach, as I said for fostering tolerance and ingraining a sense of culture. There are ways of fundraising and through grants, so I am hopeful.

I am just rambling here, because I would like to give today’s struggling youth, especially those that are repressed and isolated due to a lack of understanding one’s sexuality. I think I may start first with forming an LGBT Group/Club at NCCC, which would give me more insight into the entire situation. Heck, I could always take night classes and continue working for the Malone Center School District. Why walk away when I already have my foot in the door?

Here are some ideas as far as the LGBT Organization goes, borrowed from the chapter at SUNY Potsdam: The LGBTA offers support and understanding to students who are homosexual, bisexual, transgendered, or uncertain about their sexual orientation, as well as their allies.  Through a series of meetings, social events, and films, the LGBTA works to disprove myths about homosexuality and the “gay life-style.”  Membership is confidential and open to any student. Students are provided with a secure support group and an opportunity to be involved in and promote what they believe in.

Purpose of our LGBTA

a.) to provide a support system for families and friends of lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, and the questioning and their effort in understanding, accepting, and supporting gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders, and the questioning with love and pride. b.) to offer support and understanding for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and questioning people. c.) to provide education for individuals and the public on sexuality. d.) to create internal support for the members to cope with society. e.) to advocate to end discrimination and to secure full human and civil rights for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgendered, the questioning, and for all people. f.) to work to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity. g.) to act as a social outlet for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning people and friends.

No matter how large my dreams are, I must start out somewhere. Either with forming an LGBT Organization or forming a group of friendly protesters for various important issues such as: Deforestation, Gay Marriage, Pro-Choice, Saving the Whales. As I am a Greenpeace and HRC activist, these are the things in which I would like to incorporate. I want to first, before my dreams become to naive for the area, consult with my professors of Social Science and Philosophy as well as perhaps the art department as I was an active student. Wish me luck on these high ambitions for the future!

A World Without Heath is Bitter

Today, I woke up to the sound of the most annoying noise….the alarm clock. Sure, I would be late for work if I didn’t get up soon, but there had been a snow storm the night before, therefore it would surely be a snow day. I was sadly mistaken. I finally rummaged myself out of bed, threw on some pants and went straight for the television. It was 6:20am and I had precious little time to get out the door. Two seconds later, it was brought to my attention that one of my favourite actors had fallen to the other side. Yes, it is true, sadly true, Heath Ledger is dead. We all know it…it has been plastered in our faces since they found his dead corpse. I loved Ledger, but give the man and his close relatives and friends some privacy. Honour his wishes and memory, and let him rest, blessedly rest. That is after all, all he ever wanted while he was alive. Ledger struggled bravely every night, with Morpheus, coaxing him with poppers to let him gently drift into the Dreamland. Now, he has finally had his wish. He is here, he is there, now he is everywhere. His spirit will live on in the memories of all of us, just as Kurt Cobain had with our parents. Of course, Cobain used a shot gun to the head, but still there is an equivalent in shock and mourning.  Heath will always be a pleasant thought for me. Remembering his portrayals in films watched in cinema establishments around the globe, or more privately in the comfort of one’s own home (or bedroom). He was a man very comfortable with himself, enough so to delve into his sexuality and portray a sexually conflicted cowboy in “Brokeback Mountain” who finds true love only to have it taken away from him. He partook the hardest of roles, once he was finally found to be an A-list actor, being consumed by the otherworld even while he was alive. “The Order,” and “The Brother’s Grim,” not to mention this year’s “The Dark Knight” reinventing the role of Batman’s famous Joker, show a much darker side to Heath’s personae. Heath’s earlier movies of “Ten Things I Hate About You,” “The Patriot” and “A Knight’s Tale,” all show the various aspects of this man. Some to make you smile, others to charm you, “Casanova,”  some to make you cry, “Brokeback Mountain.” He definitely sought to make a difference and he did so, bringing not only awareness to prescription sleep medications, but to also cultural norms and mores as well as wooing us with that sexy foreign accent. As I write this, I still cannot believe that such a young man, and such a famous young man, could accidentally leave us prematurely. This surely brings us back to the reality that we may have a shorter stay here on this planet we call Earth. It definitely puts life in focus and most surely tells us to live life while we still have it. To live life and to allow others to live their lives fully is not only the sad undertone of this story, but of wanting to do so much and not quite making it all the way. Heath planned to do many future works that have been scheduled, such as “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus”  and a sequal to the before mentioned “Brokeback Mountain” where Ennis would have shown the nasty process of being openly gay in 1963 Wyoming. “Ennis will finally come out of the closet.” 

To be completely honest, and not disrespectful, at first I thought that the so called accidental overdosing of sleeping pills was  asham. As an individal of gay orientation, I always tend to think that life is centeeredd around this issue. So, please don’t berate me. Originally, I had thought he committed suicide because he was depressed and unable to come to terms with his own sexuality, which is perposterous since he was thinking about a sequal to Brokeback. At any rate, Heath will make the boxoffices go higher than they would have, as all dead and gone celebrities do. Sadly, Ledger would not have done and finished all he wished to accomplish in this lifetime, but he is surely a spirit with such avigour that he will surely be seen again in the future.  

The Good Witch hits Hallmark’s “traditionalism”

The Good Witch begins with something that truly symbolizes a true witch: whimsical leaves blowing on the breeze. Hallmark’s “The Good Witch” portrays, quite realistically the modern witch, accurately grasping at the stigma that still remains that surrounds witchcraft. It is sad that people today either think you’re insane or just a fake trying to manipulate people out of their money.

The protagonist is an elegant of  a woman who is equal parts compassion and mystery.  She is fantastically called Cassandra Nightingale, played by Catherine Bell. The quiet little town is at the same time intrigued yet afraid of what Cassandra brings to the wanna-be Pleasantville town.  The mayor’s wife, “head” of the so called ‘Citizen’s League’ is nothing but a meddlesome control freak who has a phobia for anything non-dogmatic, and she is the epitome of a farce. The movie goes on to introduce us to Isis, Cassandra’s familiar, or as she likes to call it her Mutual Admiration Society.

Cassandra has a knack for seeing the beauty “beneath the surface” as miracles seem to follow her every step. She sees people for who they are made to be instead of judging them based upon their actions. “I know you’re a good dog,” she says to the local hell hound, “it’s your master who is the beast.” She honestly has a true way with the “Fur-people.”  

As Cassandra orchestrates events to bring everyone’s heart’s desire a reality, with a magickal touch and an eye for what people need most, Cassandra takes the town at a very much needed storm fashion opening up her very own store endearingly named “Bell, Book and Candle.” Even though goodness oozes out of every niche of her right down to her Harvest Moon cookies (Almond cookies dipped in milk-chocolate), Cassandra is still accosted for her “black magic.”

It is sad that ignorance often plays with political power, and Cassandra almost is forced out of town. However, her true friends, and true human beings, stand up for Cassandra and in the end the ignorance is defeated. Cassandra leaves us with a feeling…a spark that “everybody can do magick” as she sells her ‘infinite possibilities,’ and we are charmed by her sincere warm heart.

 Cassandra’s story reminds me of a friend of my own. I like to think of her as my ”Witchy Mum” as she has a kind heart equaling to Cassandra’s and is always taking in people’s worries and troubles, relieving their various ailments. Mechelle is a true “Good Witch” if there such a title exists, and her store is aptly named “Magick Moments.” Keeping up not only financially, but emotionally in an area where there can be meddlesome people is never easy, but Mechelle has held strong and brave. Through all of the “witches are going to hell” phone-calls, she still has her shop and it benefits those who truly need it.

In the presence of true ignorance and especially violence, the good always overcome the evil willed bigots of the world. It may take a while, but the universe has ways of retribution, and when it comes around it is not quite pretty. So, here is message to all of those people out there that feel that if anything different (or unusual or not the same) should be stopped, reprogrammed, brainwashed or be dealt with misery, (since they themselves cannot be happy with themselves) well I feel truly sad for you.

You are the ones who are first to start wars. You are the ones who are first to shed blood and inflict pain. You are the ones who take mother’s (and father’s) children from them, causing irreplaceable moments in their lives forever. You cause the pain in the world; and you are NOT a part of the solution. So step aside, because acceptance is going to break through your chains of repression, no matter how hard we have to work for it, and no matter how long it takes. Because we are here, we are the outcasts. And we aren’t going anywhere! 

Be snarky and tell it like it is

Okay, alright so the New Moon was the 8^th….but at least I have taken time to reflect at the point of most…well..reflection the Full Moon.In my year of the Chariot the very first card to reflect upon is the Queen of Swords. Many people may focus too much on the negative of this card, however for me it symbolizes most about INDEPENDENCE. Being of swords, the most intellectual geared section of the minour arcana, and has some little to-do on emotions. All of the Queens bespeak of the water element and as such bring refreshments , rain, to the earth. They make things grow, and as such bring about some sort of goal come to life, they make it simply real. The Queen of Swords implies a speech or a book, perhaps this very blog is this such Queen coming out, and writing it, creating I have made it REAL. The Queen of Swords bespeaks to me, because all of my friends think of me as an actual encyclopedia. I am a regular renaissance man, having very many different hobbies and knowing very obscure and quite random facts. I am articulate to a point of knowing-it-all, however the inner Sagittarian in me and my inner element of water (yes Sagittarius is of the fire element however my personal element is flowing, fluid and water.) That aspect allows me to be a cultured person, knowing in many diverse things, but at the same time maintaining my compassion and my considerateness for others.The queen of swords complements me perfectly, except for the lack of sympathy or warmth. However, this Queen is probably damaged by something in her life. A pursuit of knowledge can be quite lonely especially if you have such a desire to know the unknown. That passion can take hold of you, and you are transformed into someone that would do almost anything to know the truth. The path of truth is often the one that is most troubling and hard to follow. However, I think I am going to take a note from this Queen. Sometimes I am too sympathetic and too passive. I can still maintain my compassion and at the same time NOT be a doormat….

Thinking with the heart all the time can be overwhelming and distracting, especially if you think too naively. I should try to devote my attention more on the facts and what I know instead of only what I feel. I need to tell it like it is. I need to be SNARKY… as my favourite fox character would agree. However, unlike House I must be careful that loneliness out of my independence does not turn my strength into rigidity, tactlessness or prudishness…

2008 Tarot

According to my Zerner-Farber deck (The Zerner-Farber Tarot features the fabric collage tapestries of artist Amy Zerner. Her collages are made from antique laces, trims, brocade, gauze, faux gems, embroidery and other odds and ends. Zerner calls her designs “landscapes of the soul.” Her husband Monte Farber is the author of the books and materials that interpret and describe Zerner’s images. The Zerner-Farber deck is based on the Enchanted Tarot deck published in 1990.) my overall year will be symbolized by the Chariot…the 7^th card in the majour arcana.

How did I come about this? Basically doing what I do everyday, teaching first and second graders….by adding! Take your birth-date (mine is 3 December) and the coming year (2008) and add them together…as so.. 12+3+2008 = 2023. 2+0+2+3= 7. Hence, The Chariot the 7^th card in the deck.

My favourite Chariot correspondences are:

1. a union of opposites
2. new motivation or inspiration
3. Determination
4. Get in the race and win
5. Withstand the rigours of what is required
6. Transportation
7. Movement
8. Balance

So, it is quite plain that this year, the winds and fates of movement are at play. It is time to come out of my shell and go for the things that I want. I need to get goal oriented (hence the massive To-Do List) and move towards the things in life that I need and want. I need to be more aggressive with myself and not be just a completely passive person letting people take advantage of my charity. One can at the same time have compassion and direction, so therefore this is going to be quite an interesting year indeed.

To be a bit more specific throughout the year, and to maintain focus, harness my will-power, self-control and self-confidence, I also did a 13 card spread for each of the moon cycles. A new card for each New Moon. And here are the cards laid out in cosmic order..

First moon~ 1/8/08~ QUEEN OF SWORDS

Second moon~ 2/6/08~ ACE OF WANDS: 10:46 pm EST

Third moon~ 3/7/08~ 3 OF HEARTS

Fourth moon~ 4/6/08~ THE HANGED MAN

Fifth moon~ 5/5/08~ 5 OF SWORDS

Sixth moon~ 6/3/08~ THE STAR

Seventh moon~ 7/3/08~ 3 OF SWORDS

Eighth moon~ 8/1/08~ THE CHARIOT!!!

Ninth moon~ 8/30/08~ 9 OF HEARTS

Tenth moon~ 9/29/08~ 9 OF SWORDS

Eleventh moon~ 10/28/08~ THE HIGH PRIESTESS

Twelfth moon~ 11/27/08~ 2 OF PENTACLES

Thirteenth moon~ 12/27/08~ 8 OF SWORDS

Sweet Shining Candlemas

February 2nd marks another point in the changing year. Yellow flowers are sprinkled over the frosted land, reminding us that winter soon will pass. It is a time to reflect upon the thrice nature of poetry, inspiration, and healing. Fire, namely candles, is used as a symbolic transformation, whichgives us and others an offering of healing, visions, and tempering. This is a great time to purify oneself. Take time to watch the cumilation of life springing forth from the frozen earth, and smile that soon we wil be able to throw away the shovel…for the time being at any rate.

February 1 is also a significant day to pay homage to the coming sun. As the sun sets and night begins to fall, there is an ancient tradition observed by witches. Go about your home and gather every candle able to be lit. Each candle represents the life spark, the inner furnace whose ashes and hot coals are now sturring. Spring is on the way, so by creating a mini, or large depending upon how many candles you have, illuminating display you can look and reflect upon inner purification. Also by doing this, it gives the holiday a deeper significance to any witch, for it is the prelude to the earth’s own purification. This is a time to eliminate and change one’s life’s encumberments: from donating old clothes, besoming away bits of dust under the witch’s cupboard, healthifying your diet,  to even reflecting upon your worn-out dreams. “Just as candles illuminate the darkness, a witch seeks to penetrate the hidden recesses of the mind and heart in order to greet the coming season with a clear horizon in view.”

Gateways to the Soul

“Eyes are the gateways to the soul.” ~Unknown

I have always been fascinated with eyes. In almost every civilization that there has ever existed give special interest to these two vital organs of the human being. They’re renowned as the gateway to the human soul, and they have always played an especially important factor in the way I understand people. Some may say that “Everybody lies..” but the eyes never do. Here’s looking into the significance of my own two eyes.

My Iridology:

According to the Rayid Model- A Guide to Personality and Relationships,
(The Rayid Model is a system for identifying genetic behaviour, communication, and relationship patterns, according to the structural constitution of the iris of the eye. The essential core of the personality is composed of three primary parts: MENTAL, EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL. These are expressed through Auditory, Visual and Kinesthetic modes of communication. Everyone possesses and utilises all three, the iris reveals which are dominant. Each unique combination of traits outlined below determines how personality is manifested and relationships are formed.)

I have a…Kinesthetic Type- Stream,

(A uniform fibre structure with subtle variations or streaks of colour suggests a kinesthetic type personality. These physical people perceive and integrate life through the sensory experience of their bodies. With true empathy, they nurture and balance others. Intuitive, yet grounded, they mediate and unify extremes. Excessive sensitivity can lead to feeling helplessly overwhelmed. Communicating with touch/movement, they are naturals in athletics, dance, health care and public service. Kinesthetic types learn by imitation/experience. Needing expansiveness, they attract extremists in long-term relationships. ….Stream/Jewel,

(A kinesthetic type structure with small. Or very few dot-like pigments increases the mental tendencies. Sensitive and alert, these clear thinkers lead the way to balance and stability. Showing genuine concern, with caring words and controlled body language, they extend their presence, embracing all with a sense of security. Learning to allow eases the frustration of carrying the mental burdens of others. RA – Shaker/Flower.)

…Inner-Directed,

(A concentrated band of colour encircling the pupil signifies an introspective nature. Sensitive, reserved and observant, they internalise their thoughts and emotions. Wise, tolerant and understanding, they often hide their true feelings to avoid conflict. Without the release of action and open, honest communication, they can become restless or stagnant. RA – Learning expressiveness, they attract outer-directed types.)

….Switched Dominance,

(A structure dominant to one eye with more evident colour in the top quadrant of the opposite eye indicates a probable switch pattern. Appear one-side dominant yet manifest behaviour like the other. This crossing over can result from mental/emotional/physical pain as a defence to further suffering. In this case, the suppression of one’s natural tendencies can bring balance and integration, or create confusion or irrationality when unresolved. Self-knowing and forgiveness reign as ultimate healers RA- Switch)

….and Ring of Purpose…

(A blue or dark ring at the periphery of the iris indicates a sense of special purpose, Constantly searching for their mission in life through diligence and commitment, they are capable of anything. Unclear how to achieve their objective and focus their action, they can experience indecisiveness and stagnation.)

…EYES.

Notes:

http://www.kindredspirit.co.uk/articles/1329-iridology.html

life’s changes

Tortured souls have nothing but time to reminisce;
One moves about, affected
Where is the spark that used to be?
Deep, dark
A void it was, deep inside, has left but a hole.
You try to claw at it, and it grows bigger,
You shout, but nothing echoes out.
Pain, deep residual pain that lasts and lasts
Never goes away, but molds with time.
The bellow only a dull roar in the ear,Heard only when it can not stand being unheard.
Dreams completely shattered, but still alive-barely.
Love has no meaning anymore,
Lies of happiness are masked well with a smile.One has changed, been altered.
One is no longer the old, one is the new.
There are moments, moments of memory.
Memory serves no purpose, yet we are nothing but.
Thought to thought,
We are but accumulations of thought.
Sometimes however memories are good.
They can bring both hope and pain.
Without them, we would not exist.

The bellow unleashed a storm,
It ripped its way through their arms,
Leaving but shattered glass on the floor.
Moving from place to place,
Not knowing where to go next.
Feelings of being so alone,
But free.
Free from the bellow,
With their inconsiderate rudeness.
Never again shall ones legs pass through that door.
The door welcoming them back.

In the darkness, there are always guides.
Some to bring you places,
Some to show you what must be seen,
And still others to tell,
To tell of their own stories.
It is in our stories that we find eachother.
They told of things that opened ones eyes,
To the world that was real, that was for once tangible.
One of the guides showed how to forget
The words of the bellow,
And to finally live a life,
That is owed to every person born.
Life was realized.
These guides continued to help one,
Their words and hearts comforting.
It was just us,
The three lost souls, together,
Breaking through the boundaries.
But one must at some point leave on its own.

Being alone on a path,
Is nothing but a pool of emotion.
Every one is within that pool, swirling.
The sun shines and one feels a joy,
But remembers.
Remembers that one is still alone.
The walls of ones heart can be stubborn,
And are quick to be remembered themselves.
With the memory of possibility,
Comes the memory of pain.

Fear, fear of the pain.
To be hurt again is too imaginable.
These moments have strengthened one,
And hardened up, turned to stone;
To never let anyone in again.
They ask to greet one, and does.
But never once lets them in.
The will is too strong for that.
It is easy to let them close,
But never again to allow them too close.
Walls were built for protection,
It is only true to do so for the heart.
The heart becomes heightened, altered.
After too many times being damaged.
No tears.

Questions of reasons.
Reasons of questionable actions.
Why put others far from the heart.
One asks, how can one not?
Body cold to the touch of warmth.
When one can feel that there is no passion.
Others question still, offer findings of a true love.
One abstains,
For how does one love when,
One does not know what love is?
Love can be set aside,
Forgotten in its own nature.
One must first discover why we exist at all.

Feelings of self discovering,
Something important comes this way.
Signs being thrown every which way in ones path.
The universe quakes, demands to be heard.
But one can only ask, what could one do?
One does not know ones purpose,
It is there, but is unseen
One is thirsty for something,
One can practically taste the universe’s cries.
Feeling the magick in the air
Watching the sunlight hit the floor,
Open your eyes to the signs.